


Wherever You Are

by twelveinterror



Series: No Matter Where You Are [1]
Category: NCT (Band)
Genre: Ambiguous/Open Ending, Angst, Domestic Fluff, Established Relationship, M/M, Post-Break Up, attempt on angst, author is aro ace and doesn't know what love feels like, idk what to call this, im so sorry, jaewin, sorry - Freeform, uhhhh
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-01-27
Updated: 2021-01-27
Packaged: 2021-03-12 16:40:34
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,838
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28888506
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/twelveinterror/pseuds/twelveinterror
Summary: “Are you sure that you already have everything in your suitcase?”Sicheng was scrubbing the pots and pans that Jaehyun used to cook dinner for the two of them. It was only fair to be on dish duty, he can’t cook for shit. Imagine his last night in Korea dealing with food poisoning and a burned apartment. Thankfully Jaehyun is the best boyf-Right, they aren’t.Well, not anymore.
Relationships: Dong Si Cheng | WinWin/Jung Yoonoh | Jaehyun
Series: No Matter Where You Are [1]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/2129115
Comments: 7
Kudos: 31





	Wherever You Are

**Author's Note:**

> this is not affiliated with the artists and people mentioned. this is a work of fiction.
> 
> (very important) songlist:  
> no matter where you are - us the duo  
> wherever you are - one ok rock  
> say you'll stay - james smith  
> 

“Are you sure that you already have everything in your suitcase?”

Sicheng was scrubbing the pots and pans that Jaehyun used to cook dinner for the two of them. It was only fair to be on dish duty, he can’t cook for shit. Imagine his last night in Korea dealing with food poisoning and a burned apartment. Thankfully Jaehyun is the best boyf-

Right, they aren’t.

Well, not anymore.

He tries his best not to shatter the plates in the sink. “Yes and my backpack is too, don’t worry too much Jaehyunnie.” The grime on the underside of the pot won’t come off, so he gives up and lets it soak overnight and deal with it later.

“It’s okay I’ll wash it in the morning.” Jaehyun is lying on the couch watching something on his phone.

“No, I will,” Sicheng insists, “you already made me a nice dinner.”

Jaehyun speaks at the same time as him, “You’ll leave in the morning and you won’t let me drive you to the airport, at least leave the dishes for me to do.”

There it is.

He rinses his hands in cold water and dries them off on his pajama pants, he then grabs a bottle of water from the fridge and chugs it all down. This is what he tried his absolute best to avoid talking about. Sicheng thought of numerous instances where this conversation would begin, but it never occurred to him that it could spark from washing the dishes. He should have packed his shit, showered, ate, went under his blanket, and then quietly slip out of the apartment and Jaehyun’s life in the morning without _this._

“Okay, I’ll leave to dishes to you.” He meekly smiles, saying “Good night Jae.” Sicheng heads towards his room.

“Wait!” Jaehyun reached over the backrest to grab on to his wrist.

“What?”

“You haven’t had your tea yet,” he replied quietly.

Fuck it, he might as well leave with less regrets, and shit he really sounds like an asshole.

Sicheng moves to sit on the couch opposite him and Jaehyun lets go of his hand to prepare tea in the kitchen. They are going to talk. They are going to reminisce about the fun they had in the four years they spent together, and it is going to make it harder for him to board a plane tomorrow. However he has no choice but to face what’s in front of him. Running away would be less painful, at least for him.

Jaehyun returns to the living room with two cups of green tea in hand.

“I thought you hated tea?”

He shrugged and handed Sicheng a cup then sat across him.

“Thanks,” Sicheng drinks the hot liquid to hopefully burn his tongue off so he can’t speak, but it isn’t hot enough to scald him. The drink’s temperature is perfect, just the way he likes it. He almost forgot that Jaehyun routinely makes him tea every single day, a teaspoon of honey on bad days and non on good ones. Tonight’s tea is sweet.

Jaehyun takes two long gulps from his mug and sets it down. The liquid has a different color from the tea Sicheng is drinking. He steals it from Jaehyun and takes a sip.

“This is beer.”

“Yes.”

“Why?”

“I prefer it over tea,” Jaehyun says with a smug smile as he steals the mug back from Sicheng. However, Sicheng rose his eyebrow to squeeze an answer out of him. “Fine,” he sets the mug down with a thud, “If I get drunk tonight, I won’t be awake in the morning to hear you leave.”

“So, we don’t have to talk?” Sicheng says it as a statement rather a question.

“We do.”

“You won’t remember shit when you wake up.”

“But its sad spending your last night here in our apartment cooped up in separate rooms,” Jaehyun pouted. “Why don’t we watch a movie while you avoid talking about us, but eventually give in because you love me and you’ll miss me.”

Ah fuck, this is going to be an intense round of the try not to cry challenge.

He nodded and passed Jaehyun the remote. He slumped against the couch, this feels too familiar. Like the nights they spent together in this living room, just holding each other with a blanket draped over their shoulders. However today, there is no blanket on their shoulders nor warmth from Jaehyun’s body pressed against his side, just two mugs on the coffee table and the space between two single seater couches.

This is the aftermath of a break up.

Long story short, they knew each other for five years and dated for four. They met because of Sicheng’s lack of communication skills and Jaehyun’s patience, then got together on their second year in college.

Now here they are.

Jaehyun fiddled with the TV remote and scrolled through Netflix to choose a film for the night.

“Animated?”

“Yes please.”

They got stuck deciding between Megamind and The Book of Life. Sicheng recently watched Megamind with Renjun, while Jaehyun wants to remember what it was about. A game of rock, paper, and scissors settled it.

The kids pulled up in front of a museum and the lady led them through a secret entrance. Twenty minutes through the movie, Jaehyun got up to refill their drinks. He came back with cans of beer. He didn’t bother hiding it in a mug anymore. Instead of sitting back on the single seater couch, he flopped down on the big one, which is directly in front of their flat screen.

Sicheng could only stare. He dangled his legs over the arm rest and faced the screen. The pillow is too small to support his back. He ended up curled like a ball.

“You know you’re legally allowed to sit next to me right?”

“I know that.”

“Then sit next to me.”

Sicheng grimaced but slowly got up and slumped down next to Jaehyun with a sigh. He doesn’t need to crane his neck to look at the screen. The mug of tea is growing cold on the table, so he picked it up and finished every single drop of it.

“You want one?” Jaehyun offered him his drink. He’s already on his third can of the night. “Right, you need to be up early tomorrow,” he retracted the drink in his hand.

Sicheng groaned saying, “Don’t remind me.” He stretched his legs and slid one of his feet against Jaehyun’s back and dug it between the cushions of the couch. Jaehyun jerked with his back straight.

He tries to retract his foot but it got stuck like always. “Sorry,” he tucks his left knee against his chest.

Jaehyun holds his ankle and lets Sicheng lay it on his lap without taking his eyes off the screen.

“Fight for the girl or sing for the girl?”

“I’m gay.”

Jaehyun chuckles and hits his calves, “Just answer me.”

“Fight,” Sicheng says, then adds “swords are cool.”

“Yeah I expected that.”

“You do enough singing for us.”

Jaehyun hums in reply. The air around them only gets colder as he sips from his can. His head was getting heavier. Sicheng meets his sleepy gaze, as he slowly sinks down on Sicheng’s chest.

Would he go through the afterlife and back for this man? Would he make a deal with an upper force just to be with the love of his love forever? Would he rewrite his page on the book of life? Jaehyun seems heavier on top of him or maybe it’s the guilt weighing on his chest. He feels Jaehyun’s hands wrapping around his waist, slipping under his shirt to caress his back.

Wow, this is a heart - warming movie.

He habitually cards his fingers through Jaehyun’s hair as he wipes his wet cheeks on his shoulders. The movie meets its conclusion with the character ensemble singing a lively song about unconditional love or marriage, or both.

“The lyrics of this song,” Jaehyun starts.

“What about it?” Sicheng wasn’t looking at the subtitles because it doesn’t really capture the true message of the song, which is in English. Korean subtitles weren’t available so they settled for the original audio and Chinese subtitles.

“Look,” he pointed at the screen.

It took a while to focus on the white characters and decipher them, and when he did, Jaehyun spoke against his shirt.

“That’s me to you.”

“Jae,” Sicheng warned, the song still plays on the background. The crowd cheered around the main characters and danced along with them. “I don’t want you to beg.”

“I’m trying hard not to,” He raised his chin to look up at Sicheng’s face. His eye lids are heavy due to numerous cans of beer, eyes are glassy.

And Sicheng is the most vulnerable to that. He wiped the tears that threatened to fall with the pad of his thumbs.

“I need to pee.” He pushed Jaehyun into sitting on the couch properly. “I’ll be back.”

Sicheng rushed inside their shared bathroom and hurriedly locked the doors, though he knows that Jaehyun will make no effort in running after him. He did his business. Afterwards, opened the tap, collected cool water with his two palms, and splashed it on his face. His eyes puffed up very quickly and its fair, the movie is great. The song however, is full of promises and devotion. It reminded him of a Japanese song with a similar message. The message of having everlasting love, devotion, and promises he couldn’t even keep. He took the time to fix his hair with water too before unlocking the door and coming back to the living room. He finds Jaehyun on the couch fiddling with his phone.

His eyes widened at the sight of Sicheng. Jaehyun sets his phone on the table carefully. He offers Sicheng a hand and he took it, sitting next to him on the couch.

“You’ll just be an hour ahead of me,” Sicheng didn’t have the guts to interrupt. “My mornings are yours and your evenings are mine.”

“But I won’t be beside you,” he replies. “Jaehyun, we already talked about this.” Sicheng’s hands were clammy as he squeezed Jaehyun’s palms. “We both know it isn’t temporary.”

“Fuck it, take me with you.”

Sicheng knew that he didn’t mean that.

“They charge for extra baggage,” he tries to lighten the mood. “That won’t happen, you have a project with Mark right?”

“Don’t remind me,” he sighed. “I have producers block.”

They both giggled. Jaehyun lets go of Sicheng’s hand to hide his face in embarrassment.

“You’ll do great.”

“Thank you.”

“Of course,” he smiled. “The album will be a hit.”

“I got it!” Jaehyun straddled Sicheng and pinched both his cheeks, stretching them so wide it hurts.

“What,” Sicheng managed to say despite the stretch on his cheeks.

“I’ll make a break up song about you.”

“That isn’t something to be so pumped for,” he takes Jaehyun’s hands off his face, “but I’ll listen to it and cry thinking of you.”

“Really?”

“Yes and I’ll be scrolling through your Instagram, while reliving every selfie of us that you’ve archived because I know you don’t have the heart to delete them.”

“I don’t know if you’re serious right now or what,” Jaehyun scratches the back of his head.

“Who knows?” he wraps his arms around Jaehyun. This would be the last time that he’ll get to do hold him like this. At least he wouldn’t see Sicheng bawl in this position. Jaehyun smells like the lemon scented body wash they share. His chest is sturdy and dependable like always.

“You’ll finally be home tomorrow.”

Sicheng hums against his shirt.

“I already miss you, I don’t know what I’ll do if I see you with another person.”

“Jae,” he says. Sicheng couldn’t recognize his own voice.

“You need someone who can understand you,” he laughs, “don’t look at me like that. I mean someone who literally speaks your language.”

“You speak like you’re easily replaceable.” And he is not. There is no one in the world like Jaehyun. With Jaehyun out of his sight, leaving a hollow space after spending all those years leaning on each other, living together, and being together, how would he forget about him that easily?

“You’re leaving me.”

“I asked you if I should take my Masters in China and you told me to go for it.”

“I wouldn’t want to be the asshole who holds you back from your dreams.”

“And I don’t want to be the jerk who takes yours away from you.”

“We just aren’t meant to be.”

“We are young, you’ll meet more people and I will too.”

“But they will never be you. I can’t imagine myself being held by another person like this.” He tightened his hold on Sicheng for a while before completely letting go.

“You will,” he chokes out a sob, “eventually.”

“Will you still call?” He wiped his face with the hem of his shirt.

They were best friends above everything else and it would suck to lose a friend like Jaehyun Jung. It’s a simple task to press the call button on a messaging app. He wouldn’t lose a single cent.

“I don’t want to promise you anything.”

“Then I’ll just record your voice then.” Jae dangles his phone in front of his face.

“That’s a little creepy,” he scrunches his nose. “How would you get someone if your ex frequently calls you? No one will buy the ‘ah don’t mind him, we ended on good terms’ bullshit.”

“Right,” he says, “so we’ll never talk again huh?”

“Seems that way, but I will still greet you on your birthdays,” then he added “Valentines too.”

“Gee thanks, so much for having my birthday on Valentine’s Day.”

“Imagine going out with someone on Valentines and think of your ex because it’s his birthday.”

“There has to be a holiday on your birthday,” Jaehyun places his phone face down on the table. His eyes shining like a child. “Look it up!”

He whips his phone out and searches for holidays that are celebrated on the twenty – eighth of October. The both of them squinted at the screen.

“National Chocolate Day,” the two reads out loud.

“Our birthdays both involve chocolate.”

“I like chocolate.”

“I’m going to eat chocolate on your birthday.”

“I would say I will go on a date on your birthday, but that’s a bad joke.”

“Then why would you say that?” Jaehyun hits Sicheng’s chest. “Well, it’s not like you’re not allowed to date anyone else,” he murmured. “I want you to be happy,” his hands found Sicheng’s, “but please after at least three months.”

“Again, you are not easily replaceable,” Sicheng says through his teeth. “They have big shoes to fill.”

“What if their feet are bigger than mine?” Jaehyun asks.

Sicheng doesn’t know if he’s literally talking about feet or something else entirely. Instead of answering, he lined up the empty cans on the table. It is nearing eleven o’clock and he has a flight to catch in the morning. He got up and pulled Jaehyun along with him to the kitchen.

“It’s getting late.” The water he poured filled the glass, cold enough to form moisture. He sets the glass on the counter for Jaehyun to drink, which he chugs down. Sicheng gets a glass for himself too.

“I don’t want this night to end.”

“Now, that’s just bullshit.” He guided Jaehyun towards the bathroom. Though he could walk straight, Sicheng couldn’t let him walk by himself. He is clumsy as fuck and would probably trip over nothing. Leaving Jaehyun walking around the apartment by himself worries him, like what if he opens a cabinet and a ceramic pot falls over his head?

Doyoung and Taeyong will probably look after him, he’ll manage. He’ll live.

“I left my phone out,” he pouted for the millionth time tonight and if he doesn’t stop Sicheng will bite that pout off his face.

“I’ll get it, go freshen up.”

“But,” Sicheng interrupts him.

“Brush your teeth,” he pushes Jaehyun in the bathroom. “You smell like college.”

“We fell in love in college.”

“I know, now brush your teeth.” The door slams on him.

He went to the living room to clean up a little and retrieve Jaehyun’s phone in the table. He threw the cans in the bin and wiped down the coffee table. Sicheng went to Jaehyun’s room and found him sprawled in bed.

“Think fast,” he threw the phone towards him.

“Oh shit,” he tries to catch it with both of his hands thankfully it lands on his lap.

He takes the blanket and drapes it over Jaehyun’s body. It was Sicheng’s blanket before it was Jaehyun’s.

“Should I leave you food tomorrow?”

“No, I’ll manage.”

“Okay.”

“Babe.”

“What?”

“I love you so much.”

Sicheng sat on the edge of the bed with his palms together. He reluctantly faced the door. They used to sleep in Sicheng’s room together. After they broke up Jaehyun retreated to the guest room to have some space for himself. Sleeping with Sicheng knowing that the next day he won’t be there beside you to say good morning would hurt more if they didn’t break up weeks before he leaves.

“There was this song Yuta hyung recommended back then.” The hang nail on his finger irritated him, he picked on his nails. “When I read the translation for the ending song earlier, I remembered the meaning of this song because it’s similar. It’s by a Japanese band, but most of the lyrics are in English. You’ll understand.” He turned to face him, “It’s called Wherever You Are.”

Jaehyun however, was fast asleep.

Sicheng blew on his face and got no reaction from him. He muffled his giggles with his hands. Jaehyun won’t hear him ramble tonight.

“As expected from Mr. Jung Yuno, you drunk hard huh?”

Jaehyun slept with his mouth partly open. He recalled the day Johnny told them that there is a big chance that a bug would find its way inside their mouths at night, so the two of them challenged themselves to sleep with their mouths closed but failed. One of his arms is tucked under his pillow and the other is on his stomach. Weeks ago, nights would end with Jaehyun’s arms around Sicheng’s torso.

“It’s a nice song right? I know. The lyrics were simple and self - explanatory. It could have been our song, to our wedding. I can’t believe I’m crying over a children’s movie soundtrack.” Sicheng giggles.

“Dumbass,” Sicheng says to the sleeping boy, “you’re a fucking dumbass.” Tears started to pool in his eyes again. He wiped his face with his shirt. He’ll just change into a new one before sleeping. “I look like I’m grieving my lost lover and you aren’t even dead.”

He looks so stupid laughing and crying alone to himself. No one is awake to console him, and no one is at fault. All of this needed to happen for their growth. If Jaehyun was awake he would make Sicheng cry even more.

“You are my biggest source of support and you gave it to me until the end.” The sound of his voice resonated through the room, cracked and deep. Water would be nice before bed, and a shower too despite having one before all this happened. “You pushed me to pursue studying further. You didn’t even ask me to stay,” he shook his head like he’s convincing someone, “not even once.”

His sobbing grew louder.

“We both know long distance is not our style. You’ll probably fly to Beijing whenever you can, and I wouldn’t like that,” he sighs. “You can’t just drop everything for me.”

They have separate lives and separate dreams which can’t be compromised. Jaehyun is working really hard to achieve his and Sicheng will too.

“Take care of yourself, Jae. Always be careful. Thank you so much for everything.” It’s getting hard to breathe. “Be happy, move at your own pace.” He curled to himself, “When you find someone, I just wish they’ll take care of you better than I did. I’m sorry I couldn’t keep you.”

“I’m sorry I won’t let you take me to the airport yourself. I don’t want to risk not boarding the plane, tickets are expensive,” he whispered to himself. He definitely saw the possibility of Jaehyun and him getting married and growing old, but would the both of them truly reach success and contentment?

The digital clock on the nightstand beeped, signalling eleven o’clock. Sicheng needs to go. He stood up to stretch. He then straightened the crinkles on his tear stained shirt. “I’ve got to go, Jaehyun,” he says leaving down near Jaehyun’s ear. “I love you so much and I don’t think I can unlove you,” Sicheng held his face and caressed his smooth cheekbones. “You’ll always be a part of my life and I am forever thankful for everything.” Salt tickled his lips.

“Thank you for loving me, you were the rock that held me up. And I can’t believe I’m saying cheesy shit.” Sicheng pressed his lips on his forehead. “I love you multiplied by every day that passes without someone telling you that they love you, good morning times every morning you don’t have someone to wake up next to, good night for every night you sleep alone, and I am very proud of you for everything you do.”

Sicheng blew on his eyelids again just to make sure that Jaehyun was asleep and not listening to his monologue, because that would be extremely embarrassing and it sounds like the kind of shit that he would pull off. Thankfully, Jaehyun is a sleepy drunk that sleeps like a rock.

He was fixing the pillow that was supporting Jaehyun’s back, when something dropped from the bed.

It was Jaehyun’s phone. And he would be pissed if he leaves to go to work with a low battery percentage. Sicheng picked it up and noticed an application running.

“I knew you would do something like this. You win this time genius,” he slaps his forehead. “I’ll let you have this one you creepy piece of shit,” Sicheng cackled dryly. “An hour and twenty seven minutes how dare you? But knowing you, you would probably forget about this too and discover it a few months later.” Jaehyun doesn’t use his notes app and recorder often.

Sicheng switched to Mandarin. “Jaehyun, if you’re listening to this I hope you had a productive day. Eat well, drink water, take your vitamins, and don’t camp in the studio for too long. Remember to take breaks. I love you and take care.”

Sicheng pressed a button to stop the recording and closed all the running applications. He plugged the phone to the charger. He took one final look at the sleeping boy in front of him before leaving the room.

And leaving his life.

At least he is leaving with lighter shoulders and a lighter heart.

**Author's Note:**

> i am @yangyangcentric on twitter yell at me i guess  
> also i am thinking of uploading jh's pov after ww leaves so let me know if you want that.


End file.
